Meeting old friends [Koori Yuki/private]

Okashii stood outside the office of the 10 division's captain. He hadn't seen Yuki in a long time, having ben busy studying for his captaincy exams - or so he told himself. He felt slightly ashamed at having broken his promise to himself, but figured he could make it up to her because now he was a captain he had all the time in the world. Did she even miss me? He hoped the answer was yes. Heaving a deep sigh he knocked on the door and waited to be granted access, the butterfies in his stomach swarming around making it unsettled.

Yuki didn't look up when the person knocked on the door, though the spirit power she was feeling was oddly familiar.

"Come in."

Her reply was curt and to the point and she watched as the door slowly opened to allow the person on the opposite side access. Who it was shocked her. Okashii Hansamu. She hadn't seen him for ages, not since she became a captain at least, and she had thought he was like the rest of them, abandoning her without a second thought. At first she had been deeply hurt by his rejection - if there was one thing in the world she hated most it was rejection. But over time the pain numbed and she gradually forcced herself to forget about it - about him. But now here he wsa standing in her doorway looking sheepishly at her and all the hurt and rejection came crashing back as though it was never gone.

"What do you want?" Her voice was slightly strained and curt, but she cuoldn't help it. She did not want to see this man, the first, and only, person she thought she could trust and rely on. But she had been wrong.

He watched as the wall instantly came down between them as Yuki looked at him. He also didn't miss the strain in her voice, as though trying to keep all her emotions bottled up inside - she always was good at that.

"Congrats on making captain, I'm sorry I couldn't have come said that earlier, but things kept happening..." He stood awkwardly in the door as she only continued to look at him using her most unnerving, penetraing stare that wasn't quite a glare, but made you feel as though your insides were frozen solid. Though, he had never been one to just stand around awkwardly, so instead braved further into the room, Yuki's eyes watching every step he took.

"So, uh, I don't know if you heard but I'm the new captain of the 7th." He couldn't keep the excitement from colouring his voice, nor the shine to leave his eyes. But Okashii knew that he must of hurt Yuki when he just stopped visiting, so he walked even further into the room.

"Yuki... I'm really sorry. It's true when I said I've had so many things happening, I seriously had no time. But I will now, and even if I don't I'll make time, just for you, I promise." He pleaded with his eyes; pleaded with her to forgive him and to give him a second chance - if she did he would never leave her again.

"Go away Okashii." She stood up out of her chair and walked past him to get to the door. Once she got there she opened it and her stance clearly was telling him to leave.

"Congratulations on your promotion, but I don't have time to talk to you - I'm a captain and as such I am very busy. Now that you're a captain you should understand what I'm saying." She wanted - no, she needed him to leave right now so that she could get her emotions in check. Okashii was the only person she let see any real emotions to - even if it was only a little - which had made his rejection all the more painful.

"I'm sure we'll see each other in captains meetings, but apart from that I doubt we'll have anything worth saying so I feel it best that we keep whatever relationship we may have on a professional level." She knew she had probably hurt him, and a little part of her felt bad for him, but then again he had hurt her. It was justified.

Her words hurt like blunt knives tearing through his heart, but he knew he deserved, but that didn't make the pain go away. Both of them were hurting, so much so that a mere apology wouldn't make the bridge of the gap that had come between them. He would be lying to himself if he said there had never been a gap, but over the years he had known her he built himself a very nice and strudy bridge connecting them - too bad he had to go and destroy it.

He wasn't content with talking to her only at captain's meetings, and he wasn't content with keeping their relationship professional. He wanted to be close, he wanted to be able to talk and laugh and joke with her again (well he had done most of the talking, laughing and joking, but still). He watched with uncharacteristically sad eyes as she brushed past him to open the door. Maybe it would be best if he did leave, coming back had obviously been a mistake. But the little voice in his head, the one that controlled most of his actions screamed at him. Screamed at him to stop being a loser, to stay, to reach out and to convince her.

She stood silently by the door, waiting for him to move, to leave, but he had finally decided that he wouldn't leave her - not now and not ever again. Okashii walked forward as if to leave, but as he came parallel with Yuki he stopped. Without warning his arms shot out and drew her into a hug, his arms wrapping around her smaller frame, keeping her close.

"I won't leave you Yuki. I know I left you before, and that hurt you. I am so sorry, and even if I have to spend the rest of my life making it up to you I will, because I will never, ever leave you again, and that is a promise I will definitely keep."

He didn't know how long they stood there in the doorway to her office with his arms around her, but he figured he wouldn't question it and just savour the moment before she pulled away from him again.

Yuki stood still as his arms encircled her, shocked at his forward behaviour. Though she had to admit that it was nice... But she wouldn't think about that! This was not nice, it was an invasion of privacy. But why wasn't she pulling away? It was almost as if her feet were frozen to the ground, an invisible force telling her to stay. His arms were strong and she felt that if she just stayed there in their protective circle than everything would be ok; that years of hurt would just wash away and be forgotten.

Unconsciously Yuki lent into the warmth of the contact and they just stood; a perfect moment that would have to end. She pulled away, yearning for the lost contact, but she managed to turn her back on him and put a few steps of distance between them, lest he try that again. Okashii was the first and only person she had let under her barriers; had let him see a little part of her fragile heart. But with him leaving it had hurt too much and she had promised herslef to never put herself in that position ever again. No matter how much she wanted to believe his words - to believe him, she knew she couldn't, if only for self-preservation. She opened her mouth about to ask him to leave but found herself unable. Her throat was clogged with thick emotion.

She felt a small drop of water roll down her cheek and she slowly brought her hand up to it. Was that... a tear? She couldn't remember the last time she cried, but if she could've then she would have remembered it had been for this person as well. Not wanting him to see her weakness she kept her back to him and tried as hard as she could to compose herself. Why would she allow herself to show such weakness to another person?

He felt her pull away and saw her walk away from him, keeping her back turned. He knew he should respect her wishes and leave now, but as he watched her, expecting her to once more tell him to leave, he heard that her breathing was very slightly irregular. Not so much so to cause alarm, or for most people to even pick up on it, but Okashii knew her too well - a fact he felt sometimes scared her. His eyes widened when he realised what the reason was for her breathing - she was crying! Koori Yuki, the person who always kept a tight hold on her emotions; the person who would never show weakness to anybody ever; the person who was always so cold and distant from everyone was standing in front of him crying, and he was the cause. His heart felt so heavy at that realisation, but at the same time he felt a bit happy that she felt comfortable enough to cry in front of him.

"Yuki..." His voice was soft and soothing as he walked closer to her until he was right behind her.

"Yuki, please, I'm sorry. Don't cry; it'll be ok." He tenderly wrapped his arms around her once more to offer what little comfort he could.

She heard his words of comfort as he once more wrapped his arms around her and for the first time in her life she didn't care. She didn't care that she had been weak in front of him; didn't ccare that she had cried, because at the moment all that mattered was that he was here; that he was back; that he still cared about her. With these thoughts Yuki shyly snaked her arms around him, reciprocating the hug, her face nuzzled into his neck as she let the silent tears fall. She knew now that what she had told herself when he left was untrue. She had believed that she liked him, much, much more than a simple friend, but she had convinced herself that she was mistaken. However, she knew, standing right here, right now, that she wasn't - she had feelings - very strong feelings - for Okashii Hansamu.

He was surprised when he felt Yuki's smaller arms wrap around him in response to his hug. He felt the small dampness on his shoulder and could feel the minor shudders in her body to show that she was crying, and his heart warmed. Nobody had ever seen Koori Yuki cry - it was a sign of weakness to her, but here she was crying on his shoulder and all he wanted to do was stand there and comfort her.

He loved her - always had ever since he first met her all those years ago - but he knew there wasn't any chance because she, whether she liked him that way or not, would never allow herself to get close enough to become emotionally invested in someone. Maybe, just maybe that was changing. He realized now would not be a great time to bring up such thoughts and so was content to being her friend comforting her in her hour of need.

They stood there for a while longer before Yuki managed to reign in her tears. It was so strange that she could show such weakness to an almost perfect stranger - because that's what they were now considering she hasn't seen him for years. She finally pushed away from him, her senses screaming out for his warmth, but she ignored them. She kept a small amount of distance, but kept her head lowered so he wouldn't see her tear-stained face.

"I'm sorry Okashii, I don't know what came over me." She felt so embarressed, but she wouldn't show it.

"I guess seeing you again... After so long hit a nerve or something like that. Why did you leave?" She hated how her voice sounded in that last sentence - so lost and small.

"Yuki, you don't need to be embarressed, everybody cries. I'm so sorry that I left you alone, it must've been hard. But you need to believe me that I have been incredibly busy. I tried to see you so many times, but I wasn't allowed to and it was killing me inside to know that I would probably be hurting you, but there was nothing I could except come back as soon as I could - which I did. I understand if you're mad at me - I know I'd be mad - and if you tell me to leave again I promise I will if that's what you want. But please Yuki, we were such good friends; please forgive me so we can move on pass this because I don't want to leave, not again." He waited with baited breath to hear her answer, hoping desparately that she wouldn't tell him to go.

Yuki wanted to want him to leave, but the truth was she would hate herself if she made him go, especially after he had only just re-entered her life again. It hadn't been too long ago that she had given the advice to Rukia Kuchiki to just forgive and move on, and now seemed like a great time to try her own advice.

"Okashii... Don't go. I forgive you because... Well, because you came back. I remember when you first left I was pretty... upset, but I learnt to forget about you because it hurt too much. I guess that's because, well you were my first real friend, and I... liked you so much."

It was so hard to talk about her own feelings and Yuki had to pause frequently in her sentence before continuing. The last part was almost a whisper, and she hadn't meant to say it so hopefully the beautiful man across from her hadn't heard it. She looked up into his incredibly blue eyes before looking away, unable to stand the intense emotions that were always present on his face.

She had wondered how to so completely different people could come together like they had. She was so incredibly closed off and never let anyone near her, while he was like an open book, wearing his emotions on his sleeve and inviting any old person in, greeting them like they were his best friend.

Okashii listened as Yuki talked, and he was so happy by what he heard; that she was ready to forgive him and move on. However, his keen ears picked up on the last part of her stilted speech and he almost thought that he had heard wrong. Did he just hear Koori Yuki, Ice Princess, say that she had liked him? Did she mean like like? His heart did a little dance at the thought, but he knew that even if she had like liked him, there was no guarantee that she would still feel the same way. And if she did, well he only just got back so he would need to take things slowly.

"Yuki, I'm sorry I hurt you and I know that trying to forget me hurt as well even if it is your coping method, but I never forgot you. I used to consiously count the days until I could see you again, that is until it became a subconscious habitat that I couldn't stop. Because the truth is Yuki, I loved you. No, I still do" He looked at her, trying to convey all the emotions he was feeling towards her, to show how much he cares, and to show that what he spoke was the truth; that he wasn't trying to deceive her with his words.

She watched him with her always calculating eyes; watching the intense play of emotions across his face, almost too unbearable to see. She could clearly see he believed what he said, and his words shocked her. He loves me? She didn't know what love was - to her it was just a word that people said, but had no meaning. What did it mean for him to love her? Never in her life had she been so ignorant in something that was so important, and it almost killed her to reveal this ignorance, but a declaration like that obviously required some kind of response.

"What does it mean to love Okashii? I've heard it before; people are always speaking of it yet I don't know what it actually is. What are you trying to say when you say that you love me?"

He couldn't believe it. He had known that Yuki was called the Ice Princess in the academy because of her inability to show emotions, but he never realised the reason was because she didn't know what those emotions were. How could he explain a concept to someone who had never experienced it before; what definition of love could he give that would doit justice? It seemed impossible.

"Well, love is difficult to explain, but it's when you feel strong bonds of affection towards someone. When you only want to see them happy because when they are the your world seems brighter. It's when your heart aches when you're apart and you would gladly give up your life to save them without a second thought. It's where you can't live without them. It's... confusing, and I know my explanation probably isn't doing it justice. There are many different types of love but that's the type I feel for you."

He knew his definition was terrible, and his preidiction on it being difficult to describe came true, but in a moment of impulsiveness - which were always quite frequent - he moved in so that there was only a hair's breadth of distance between them, and the nhe closed the gap, sealing his lips on hers in the most amazing kiss of his life. Hopefully he wasn't pushing the boundaries, but he figured this would be the best way to show her how he felt.

It made no sense to her, all those different things. Was there somebody who she couldn't live without, that she would die for? Was there somebody who she cried for when they left, but always wanted to see smile? She was only half-way contemplating these questions when she saw him closing the distance between them almost hestitantly. She stood completely still, unsure of what was about to happen, as he continued to move closer into her personal space until his lips touched lightly against hers in a tender kiss - her first kiss.

As she felt the electricity charge through her veins and her blood burn under her skin she knew the answer. There was somebody; there had always been somebody who she wanted to be around, who always made her smile and brightened her day. Who stayed with her through everything, yet when he left she felt betrayed and actually cried. She couldn't live without him, but when she forced herself to she felt numb and hollow inside. The answer was as plain as the nose on her face, but her lack of knowledge made it impossible for her to realise. She was in love with Okashii Hansamu!

She hadn't fully gotten her head wrapped around the concept of love, but her instincts were telling her, screaming at her that it was true, and she always went with her instincts. Hesitantly and shyly because of inexperience, Yuki tried to reciprocate the kiss. She was glad that if she was to give her first kiss to anyone it was to this man.