You Did Not Just Say That
OK…I got seriously bored and couldn't be bothered writing more of my main fic so this is the result.
As the summary suggests, the quotes below are things that you never hear, thing that should ever be said or things you wish you heard in the Naruto world…you decide which is which.
I feel like doing a D rank today. – Naruto
I'm not crying…I've just got sand in my eye…yeah that's it…really. – Gaara
My mother is a giant racoon? Father had some seriously nasty fetishes. – Gaara
We're men…manly men. – Gai
In tights. – Lee
Tight tights. – Gai
My spider senses are tingling. - Kidomaru
Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, not around the eyes, look into my eyes and 3…2…1 you're under. - Itachi
I think I'm being bugged. – Shino
EWWW! A COCKROACH… GET IT! GET IT! GET IT! – Shino
I'm being followed by a moon shadow…moon shadow…moon shadow. – Shikamaru
Wait…what was that moving in the shadows? – Shikamaru
Every Akimichi knows that food is just shit waiting to happen. - Chouji
Sensei…Sensei…look at what I can make my hickeys do. – Orochimaru
Calm down Anko-chan…it's just a love bite…I swear. – Orochimaru
So…you think that Hinata just has a bad case of puppy love…does that mean that I have to hide Akamaru for a while? - Kiba
I'm not a puppet…I'm a real boy. – Karasu
I must be the luckiest kid on earth…hoe many other kids have their own mobile sand box. – Gaara
The worst thing about having the Shukaku sealed within me? Getting sand in places I didn't know I had. – Gaara
Whoever said that having two heads was better than one had no effing idea what they were talking about. – Sakon and Ukon
Bugger me! – Anyone within a 5 mile radius of Orochimaru.
This is what happens when you're not allowed to play with dolls when you're young. – Sasori
I can't wait to eat more man meat. - Zetsu
Konan…Tobi has been a bad bad boy…he needs to be punished. – Guess
I need some inspirational music…I think I'll download Sexy Bitch. – Hinata
One time in band camp… - Tayuya
F*****g swear jar. – Tayuya
F*****g censoring. – Hidan
Stupid blond fan girl. – Temari to Ino
But why can't I play hide and seek with you guys? I'm really good. – Neji
"Something smells suspicious about this." – Kiba
"You mean that suspicious actually has a smell…Who knew?" – Naruto
"…shut up, Naruto." – Kiba
Hi big boy… - Ino to Chouji
"Art should be instant, a big bang and over in a second." – Deidara
"That's you in the bedroom, Deidara. OH BURN!" – Sasori
I'm gonna suck you dry. – Yoroi Akado
Ah…that's where I left that stick. – Hiashi Hyuuga
Ouch...dammit...a paper cut. – Konan
Man...my hand is killing me...FROM WRITING TOO MUCH YOU SICKO! – Jiraiya
Being penetrated from all angles really does hurt. – Naruto fighting against Pain.
Be careful...you really shouldn't play with knives...they're dangerous objects you know. – Tenten
I spy with my little eye something beginning with E. – Neji
Everything? – Hinata
Alright...it was funny to start with...but now it's just annoying. I'm gonna put in a mission request for Hinata to seduce Uzumaki Naruto...she couldn't possibly fail this time...could she? – Kurenai
Genjutsu is great…now I can make every man a naked Yondaime…hehehe…wait…Naruto didn't change that much. – Kurenai
I think I'm hallucinating. – Kurenai
What do you mean I can't have any? I made a deposit and now I want it back with interest. – Anko at the blood bank.
Ano...do you have a Naruto Uzumaki on file. – Hinata at the sperm bank.
Logic has failed me. I can't determine whether it is incest or masturbation if Naruto has sex with his oiroke no jutsu. – Shino
You failed the mission because you thought humming the mission impossible theme song would make you more stealthy? *facepalms* - Tsunade
FALCON PUNCH! Always wanted to try that. – Tsunade
I don't need friends Dobe…and besides…*blushes*…I think Orochimaru likes me…he gave me a hickey. – Sasuke
I wonder what Sasuke values more…his eyes or his testicles. – Naruto
Imagine if a character's fighting style determined what they were like in the bedroom.
Sakura and Tsunade – Rough play
Shizune – Doctors and nurses
Mei Terumi – Likes it hot!
Choujiro and Hinata – Have self confidence issues
Shino – One ace in the hole is good…but two is better…
Kiba - Is never without Akamaru…
Shikamaru – Lets his partner do all the work
Kakashi – Always arrives last
Ino and Kurenai –Like to play mind games
Chouji – Expansion Jutsu…enough said
Tenten – Lots of…props
Lee and Gai – Stoke her 'Fires of Youth' good and proper…
Neji – It's not the size of you chakra it's the way you use it
Kimimaro – Always has a boner
Hidan – Necrophilia
Sasori – Always strings attached
Itachi – It's over in three seconds
Gaara – Never without protection
Kankuro – Has to use a doll
Temari – Blows you away
Minato Namikaze – Here there and everywhere
Sarutobi – Requires Divine intervention to finish what he started
Orochimaru – You know what…let's not go there
Sasuke – Thinks he's better than he really is
And Naruto…? – Extensive use of shadow clones
"Ano…Hinata…Kiba said that you're puppies were growing nicely. I was wondering if I could play with them." – Naruto to Hinata
Tenzo gives an all new meaning to waking up with morning wood. Similarly when Kimimaro says he has a boner you'd better believe it!
Ibiki recently added a new member to his torture and interrogation squad. A dentist by profession, the man insists that getting information from criminals is no harder than pulling teeth.
"It's not butter! BELIEVE IT!" – Naruto
"NO! For the four hundred and thirty second time it's 'I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!" – Advert Director
Having a Hyuuga as a parent would suck, every other parent just jokes about having eyes in the back of their heads, Hyuuga actually mean it.
"You'll do." - Jiraiya's best pick up line.
"I didn't get the name 'Legendary Sucker' just by being bad at gambling ya know?" – Tsunade
"My name's Tsunade, and I've got a drinking problem." – Tsunade at the Konoha AA chapter meeting in ANBU headquarters. (Submitted by Djinn Crimsora)
"You know, I think I need to go see Ino about this dissociative personality disorder..." – Sakura, rocking back and forth in a padded white room. (Submitted by Djinn Crimsora)
"Now that I think about it, my hair really DOES look like a duck's a**..." – Sasuke, morning hygiene ritual. (Submitted by Djinn Crimsora)
"WHERE THE HELL IS MY IDIOT HUSBAND? WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH HIM HE'S GONNA BE BEGGING THE SHINIGAMI FOR MERCY!" – Kushina after giving birth.
Elsewhere
"It's a good thing I'm gonna end up dead by the time I seal the Kyuubi; I'd rather live in the Shinigami's stomach than face Kushina right now..." – Minato riding atop Gamabunta to seal the Kyuubi. (Submitted by Djinn Crimsora)
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